I have been doing a lot of reading lately about Biblical Womanhood, Ant-feminism, etc.
Now this is a VERY controversial subject and I am a very passive person. I hate to offend people and I run from debates. But this subject really isn't up for debate. God's word has made the wife's place in the home clear. Ephesians 5, Titus 2, etc, etc.
Unfortunately American society HAS turned it's back on this subject. And that is the effect of feminism on our homes.
But this "thing" has been on my heart lately. This has been something that the Lord has been working on in me and it has taken some time. I do not claim to have "made it" at all. I have a long way to go as far as this is concerned. And for anyone who may think I am being judgmental, you need to realize I am learning these things myself. I am not trying to be preachy at all, it's just that I appreciate those who have allowed God to use them to write and talk about this subject. Because what the Bible says about this subject and those obedient women who have chosen to make it their ministry to share it, I have been convicted.
And in my "quest" to be the wife and mother I want to be, I want to share my heart and what God has been teaching me.
The whole aspect of radical feminism is that of selfishness. What can I do for me, myself and I? There is this anti-male attitude and a horrible attitude of disrespect for men. We all are expected to laugh when a man is "outsmarted" or cut down and the woman is made to look like a genius. Men are portrayed as brain-less, lusting perverts.
No wonder men have stepped down from their positions as leaders of the home and protectors of their wives/families. No wonder they hang their heads with very little self esteem. No wonder chivalry is almost dead!
I have noticed something happening in our home. And again... I have a LOOOONG way to go.
But I have been doing a little experiment.
The more I have tried to keep my mouth shut, not nag my husband, respect him, and honor him... the MORE he has tried to do for me. He just about falls all over himself to please me. The more I compliment him in public, look at him adoringly, the more I build him up, the more confidence he seems to have. The less I tear him down (especially in front of others), the more confidence and self respect he seems to have.
Debi Pearl in Created to be His Help-meet shares a story of a young woman with a nasty, unsaved, disrespectful husband who did not deserve her respect/submissiveness. He treated her basically like a rug. But because she respected him and treated him like he actually deserved her respect, and prayed for him, he was marvelously saved. This story was so convicting to me. I HAVE a deserving husband who IS a Christian man.
One of my friends recently shared a touching story of how she "tried this" with her drinking husband. Praise the Lord...... it works! He did something foolish (after drinking) and she kept her mouth shut. She prayed for him and respected him.. Her husband has been TRANSFORMED because of her obedience to the Lord. He has quit drinking and has started going to church. Their home has changed because of her obedience to God's word. She has been an inspiration to me! She has also shared with me that she prays for every aspect of her husband's life each morning in detail (temptation, his thought life, etc). You know who you are, dear friend... THANK YOU for inspiring me to do the same!
It is amazing how that nasty word "submission" can give you that power over your husband (ironically our society separates those two words!).
Little ones catch on to this too: "Daddy is the king of our home and mommy is the queen". Jonathan told his teacher. The home is not a battlefield. It is a place where respect and love meet in the middle. The more I respect my husband, the more he loves me.
One of the best things I can do for my boys is to respect my husband. I want them to look at him with adoration. "I want to be just like daddy when I grow up".
18 comments:
Very awesome and oh so true! I love Debi Pearls book and had been convicted of this very thing long before I had ever read her book. We should all learn that God's way is always the best!!
You couldn't have said it better! :) The DJ on our local radio station said the other day, "Women, pray that your husband develops a passion to be the leader of his home" and that has stuck with me! I stopped right then and there and lifted him up in prayer! If only the women of the world could see the peace and happiness in the home that comes with submission! lya, Lisa
Thanks for sharing your heart, Kim. You made some very good points, and I think you're right on. Especially agree w/you about the trend toward "mocking" our men or taking glee in their mistakes. It's so important to build them up, not only to others...but just for their ears only too! I have conducted similar "experiments" and found the results to be true as well!
I could do so much better in this area; thanks for the reminder.
Not a wife or a mom but really enjoyed the post. I was blessed to be raised in a home where I saw this modeled. It really works! Thanks for your good words. I pray that God showers your home with blessings as you honor Him!
Thanks for talking about a "touchy subject." Our relationships at home, especially with our husbands, is one of the most powerful witnesses to those around us, at least in my opinion. Like you said, I have a very long way to go. But even an honest effort, and the harmony it brings, is something that a lot of non believers have never seen. And they are affected by it.
Wow Kim, this is so true! Good thoughts. I know you are an incredible and wife and mommy and you do bring honor to your family and home! I love you and am proud of you!
Thank you everyone for your comments. I am humbled because I am learning so much in this area.
Love all of you... your friendships mean so much to me and you all inspire me to be a better woman.
Kim,
What awesome thoughts! And such a great topic to jog our attention.
God bless you!
I agree and disagree with Debbie Pearl. But that aside the Bible is clear that men are to be the head of the home. Me, being the weaker of the two of us in most areas I am happy to allow my husband to be, THE MAN of our home.... :)
Also, there are men out there that have AWESOME wives but yet never change, we must be careful and not blame wives who are in these situations. We don't know what these women are put through. But I do know God is faithful and He can keep them through their trials. It's also our duty as Christians to encourage them in HIS love.
Lori,
I hope I did not come across in my blog as blaming anyone for an awful husband. My thought is that if a wife is faithful, then she has done her part and has been obedient to God. Then it's up to God in His Sovereignty to take care of the nudging of the heart of the husband.
My friend with the drinking husband proves that it is possible, if we are faithful, to soften a hardened husband's heart. Obviously some men may take longer... but I think that a story like that, in itself, would be an encouragement to a discouraged wife. And to give her hope to continue to be faithful.
And please realize that I am not speaking of someone who is being beaten by her husband and that her children are in danger. Obviously one would need to separate herself and her children for their safety.
I would like to clarify the second paragraph of my previous post.
I have a friend whose husband is a good provider finacially but that is where it stops for the most part.
So, I try to be as uplifting and encourage her to fast and pray for her husband. He may or may not ever come to the true knowledge of Jesus Christ but it will not be her fault.
Her MIL has stated to me that maybe her son (my friend's husband) would become a Christian if my friend was more Godly. My friend's MIL left her husband (my friend's husband's Father) . I wonder what she would think if my friend left her son.
Lori,
I think your encouragement for her to fast and pray is an excellent idea. It sounds like a big mess of a situation and I will try to help you pray for this struggling wife and her family.
Thank you for commenting!
Thanks Kim....Your prayers would be appreciated!
Awesome post! :-)
These are very encouraging words to read, Kim. It's hard to keep my mouth shut sometimes but after seeing that nagging actually doesn't work, I have no problem with letting God do it because I'm willing to bet He's better at it. I have also tried initiating prayer and bible study instead of complaining that my husband never does. At first I thought it was his job to do it so if he didn't lead us spiritually we should just never read the bible or pray. He honestly never initiates it and it bothers me but I am initiating now and praying too so we'll see what happens.
I got through the first few chapters of "Created to be His Helpmeet" then I had to put it down after the trash bag story. I agree that she has many wise things to offer but I don't know if I can handle her completely.
I must say that I can't share your views in this certain point. Do you mean that everything that is written in the Bible should be taken literally? Some people claim that they can find support in the bible for a)homosexuality is a sin and b) jews are evil. I think we shouldn't take everything literally, cause as I see it God also wanted us to respect each other and live in harmony.
My aunt is a priest, since 15 years ago and I am very proud of her. She has told me she felt God calling for her one day. She is a amazing person, both in church and out in the society. She is a strong woman. I want to be like her one day. I can't see that I would dishonour God if I preached his holy words for others.
I will for sure become a priest one day, and I will not accept that I should do better as a wife and mother. This is my call, and I think it's up to anyone to find their call, their way in life. God couldn't have wanted anything less than that. Amen
Jolie,
Thank you for feeling free to comment on my blog and asking questions regarding these matters.
In regards to literal translation of God's word, I think it is very important to study God's word...
1. First of all, I strongly believe what II Timothy 3:16 says. "ALL scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:"
If we only "pick and choose" what Scriptures to obey or to follow then why follow any of it? If one verse is irrelevant then how could we trust anything else?
And especially why try to teach any of it?
2. I do believe that THE ACT OF homosexuality is a sin. In other words, someone could be tempted in this area but it becomes sinful when they choose to involve themselves in the act of it (or allow themselves to look at pornography, etc). Jesus was tempted in all points as we are but did NOT sin. I think the same goes for one who commits adultery. Sin is sin whether you fornicate with a male or female. I Corinthians 6:9-11.
Some people are more inclined to be tempted in certain areas... I have no desire to steal but someone else may have more of an inclination that way. I think the same goes for all sins. Sin is a CHOICE.
Also, I believe God showed us His design for marriage in the garden of Eden. (Genesis)
3. Anyone thinking Jews are evil obviously is not reading the same Bible I have been reading. Jesus was born Jewish.
4. In regards to submission, all I can say is to read the verses I mentioned in this post. If you disagree with them and you don't believe that all Scripture is inspired by God, then anything I say won't matter to you (we could argue until we are blue in the face.. in a loving way of course - smile).
If you are interested, please read:
I Corinthians 11:3
Ephesians 5
Titus 2
Thanks again for your comments! God Bless you!
Catherine,
Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting. :-)
I had to laugh about you mentioning the trash bag story. It was a little hard for me to swallow too. :-) But I did finish the book and it was helpful.
My husband is not at all "bossy" like that. So the trash bag story was a totally foreign concept to me. He always takes out the trash. He is kind and patient with me.
But on the other hand I have to say that just the attitude of submissiveness has meant a lot to him. I could have stayed the same and he would have still loved me but my act of submission was a "gift" to him.
Read my friend Lisa's comment (2nd comment) about praying for your husband to develop that passion.
Thanks again for commenting! Come back any time! :-)
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